Tao to Koh Lanta with a lot in between

As plate after plate fell, James entered a zone where few have ventured.

For one special night, these two fabulous stylists graced our presence as they turned the Lush brothers a little less than straight.

Drawing on thousands of lessons learned from Michelle, I was able to dominate the hookers at their own game, Connect 4. MUCH to their chagrin.

Sweden 1 - Me 0

The paradise that is Koh Phi Phi.

Our present accommodations.

Wow, it's been a while since I've done this. I blame it mainly on a lack of things to update and expensive/slow internet. Regardless of that, today I bit the bullet and decided to update my neglected blog.

We left Koh Tao on a night ferry down to Phuket. Somehow the crew found us what essentially was a giant bed that slept 7 guys and we all crammed into the fish reeking, diesel filled, bottom of the boat. After a series of short buses we eventually made it to Patong, which is on the island of Phuket (but connected to the mainland via bridges). Patong was probably supposed to last a couple of days, but due to an early checkout time (noon) and the abundance of good times to be had, we continuously woke up shortly before or after our checkout time, forcing us to stay another day. Patong is notorious as the world's second largest sex tourism city, so most nights were spent roaming through the massive hooker malls, trying to avoid the countless ladyboys that would frequently approach us. The vast majority of the tourists there were European men, who, unable to attract a mate back in their homelands, venture to this tiny island in search of some plastic, expensive love.

During the day we rarely ventured outside of our beautiful, air conditioned rooms, and spent way too many hours watching the B movie channel. Most meals were quickly grabbed at the Subway down the street or one of the tiny Thai places that littered the strip. In an effort to add gluttony to our sins, we held an eating competition one night at the all-you-can-eat buffet down the road. The competitors (James and Abes) put on quite a show as they devoured plate after plate after plate after plate of food. It was a fairly spectacular showing by both gladiators, but in the end James came out on top after polishing off ten plates of food. After almost a solid week of this type of thing, all of us felt like some sort of Hastings St. junkie and vowed no matter how badly our heads hurt or what time we woke up, tomorrow we would leave, and so it was that we made the agonizing 30 minute trip across the island to Phuket Town.

Not wanting to be sucked back into any kind of trap, we declared to stay only a single night in Phuket Town and thanks to James's incredibe persistence in obtaining tickets for us, we stayed true to that statement and were on a ferry headed for Koh Phi Phi the next morning.

Koh Phi Phi is one of the tiny spits of land that dot the Andaman Sea. It's most recently known for being almost totally demolished during the tsunami that swept through the area a couple years ago. The island really is a tropical paradise and has to be one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen. The actual village on Koh Phi Phi is a complete tourist magnet, with white skinned folk outnumbering the locals probably 4 to 1. Our first night was spent strolling through the different establishments and re-introducing ourselves to the buckets we thought had been left behind for good at Koh Phangan. Koh Phi Phi is also home to a bar we had heard about previously, where anyone and everyone can strap on some Muay Thai gear and go head to head in a full scale kickboxing ring. The first sanctioned fight, between the brothers proved to be one of the most interesting of the night, as James and Jason fought with an unyielding barrage of haymakers and rabbit punches. After three punishing rounds (the max for one of these bouts), James emerged the winner after a tight voting margin. Next up was Ryan and Trevor, where after yet another close fight, the younger combatant (Trev) emerged the victor after going to the judges. Following a few more drunken matches, yours truly stupidly accepted to fight a random Swede who challenged me for no apparent reason. Thinking that any training I had had would somehow come into play after drinking too much, I blindly stepped into the ring and was punished for three rounds. I'm sure that if I had been sober (like he was...), it would have been a much closer match, but alas, the bastard clearly won, breaking my nose in the third round just to add insult to injury...or maybe injury to insult.

My next day was spent ferrying back to the mainland hospital to get my nose x-rayed and looked at. The doctor claimed I would need surgery to properly set it in place for cosmetic reasons, but we both agreed that it really wasn't that bad, so that would be a pointless process. Instead I asked him to do what he could right there in the office and after bracing me for pain, shoved a metal rod up my nose until it was between my eyes and began twisting, pushing and generally playing around. After moving the nose a bit, he stopped after seeing how much pain I was in, despite my stupid pleas to continue. A sudden feeling of nausea washed over me and as I stood up to unload my stomach into a nearby garbage can I collapsed. Next thing I remember, I'm lying on my back in the office after being unconscious for 2-3 minutes, with a dozen tiny thai nurses frantically shoving smelling salts and oxygen under my nose. It was quite an experience given that I had never fainted before, and I think it's something everyone has to try at least once. After resting a bit in the hospital, I emerged back out into the hot Thai sun and jumped on a ferry back to Koh Phi Phi.

Following a great snorkeling trip to some of the surrounding islands, we left Koh Phi Phi yesterday for Koh Lanta, where we now stay. It seems to be another island paradise among a long string of island paradises and after spending a full day here, we plan on leaving tomorrow for Krabi (which I've already visited thanks to their fine hospital...), where on Monday, we lose the two newest additions of our party, Adrian and Randy, as they fly back to rainy Vancouver.

Koh to Koh

Just Protectin' the S.E.A.

Yup, Jay and I finally eat fish.

The debauchery finally came to a halt when we decided to get off our asses and leave Koh Phangan for the island north of it, Koh Tao. We decided to have a few cocktails to celebrate our upcoming departure from Koh Phangan, and that soon turned into another night of bucket-fun. Just when things were looking like a boring night on the beach, Gandalf showed up and summoned a few more buckets much to the surprise of his companions. Unfortunately he wasn't able to cast away our hangovers and so the 7 of us had to endure an absolutely brutal ferry ride up to Koh Tao. After a lot of sobbing, screaming, horizon watching and a little puking, we dragged our sea-sick ridden bodies onto the paradise island of Koh Tao.

Koh Tao is where most of the scuba diving of the immediate region takes place and so our original plan involved at least 5 of us partaking in the area's underwater activities. This plan slowly digressed to the point where, five days later, no one has done more than a little snorkeling and absolutely no diving has occurred. In the meantime we fill our time by playing a few hours of volleyball each afternoon, lounging around our bungalows, listening to James talk about his fan wound and devising ways to get the awful gut-rotting stench out of Jason and I's bathroom.

On a more positive note, we decided to leave a lasting impression on the island by adopting a dog. Jason and I found him eating out of a trash can beside the 7/11 several nights ago, and after luring him home with stale hot dogs, he now officially lives inside our bungalow. According to several recent comments given to me, I should start "putting pictures IN the blog text", so here's the first and probably the last attempt at that.

His name is Spark and he lives off a diet of potato chips, hot dogs, Pad Thai noodles and even a can of dog food we bought him. The exciting part is how, if locked out for the night, he'll yelp and whine outside our door until everyone BUT us gets up to tell him to shut up. I could talk about Spark for a long time, so I'll bring it to an end by mentioning that I feel jealous of the next occupants of our bungalow who automatically take ownership of this lovely animal.

Today we took a longboat ride up to the other side of the island to a park area, with three islands connected by nifty little sandbars. After a bit of snorkeling, we sat on the sandbars, not knowing what to do until finally our Bavarian boat captain appeared and rescued us, where we went looking for his dinner in the form of Barracudas stolen from the national park.

Tomorrow afternoon we shall finally leave this place, and venture southward until we eventually reach Phuket.

Ladyboys, buckets and a bright moon

Thai kickboxers posing for a nut shut.

Another group of stupid British guys fall victim to ladyboys. We could have informed them, but it's so much more fun this way.

Bunch of Canadians we met.

Moments before I fell off this sign, James took this picture.

*Warning - this blog is poorly written due to an excess amount of cheap Thai whiskey in my body.

The flight back across the pacific was the worst 12 hours of my life. Apparently Air China creates their planes based on mini little Chinese people and thus when someone of normal North American stature attempts to squeeze into the seats, it causes a lot of problems. I met back up with Abes and Randy (two acquaintances from the gentleman's club back home who we convinced to finally meet us). It took us another 12 hours to get from the Bangkok airport to the wee little island Koh Phangan, where we reunited with Jason, Ryan, James (Jas's bro) and Trevor (James's buddy). Koh Phangan is also the spot that has held the notorious full moon parties for the last 30 or so years and thus attracts a massive, constant crowd of drunken foreigners.

Our first night was spent recovering from the jetlag, which we did by staying out until sunrise and consuming a frightening amount of buckets (the local medium of drink where they mix mickey's of Thai whiskey and red bull into these fun, little colourful buckets). The parties here consist of tens of thousands of Europeans, aussies and Canadians, hanging out on a beach, trying to avoid the ladyboys and Israelis and finish as many buckets as possible. Most nights seem to pick up about 2am and flow on well into the next day. After they finish, a small army of tiny Thai ladies come out with brooms and garbage cans to reset the beach back to its natural, un-littered state.

Our second night started with the 7 of us traveling to a warehouse in the jungle to watch miniature humans (called "thais") kick the crap out of one another in some illegal kickboxing matches. We splurged and managed to secure front row seats, where during the 7 fights we were sprayed with all types of blood, sweat and other bodily fluids as they were forced out of their owner's bodies by an endless stream of devastating knees and elbows. Six of the fights ended in knockouts of one type or another, creating a joyous spectacle for all of us. Following the fights, we went back to the full moon beach for another night of debauchery.

Last night was the actual full moon party, which meant it was like the other nights but much busier. I don't remember much, but I'm sure that after looking at the 200+ photos I took, some of it will start to return.

In between the nights out, we either sleep or curl up and watch bootlegged, British movies on the little cushion chairs. Our plan from here is to ferry north to another little tropical island, Koh Tao, where I can continue my diving career.

Home and Away

Seconds after landing, emergency french toast crews were by my side.

I know ALL of these people

For those who haven't seen me during my short stint back home, my latest destination has been, just that, home. My old man finally decided to re-tie the knot, and after digging into his money bin, came up with a ticket home for me for a fortnight. Most other people I talked to thought this was a rare opportunity to quickly glimpse homelife after a year away from it, and I must admit, it was quite cool.

I touched down in Vancouver in typical west coast weather, on the morning of the 19th. After quickly satisfying my french toast cravings, I then went about one of the most hectic 12 days of my life, making whistlestop appearances at many an old hangout and shindigs. Highlights include, the actual wedding, a solid drinking night at the apartment, a key committee commissioners meeting, another mini goodbye party/canucks game and of course the many gigantic, fantastic meals people served me in an effort to "fatten" me up, most of the events I have somewhat hazy memories of, aside from the meals, those I remember quite clearly and lovingly.

Although I leave again today with a massive dental bill, knowledge of several little parasitic critters bouncing around my body and a plethora of other ailments, I still think I came out on top. I have confirmed that I'm not just writing to myself here and that people do actually read these ramblings. Aside from a few unfamiliar inventions that seem to be sweeping the nation (youtube, Borat, Hey-luke, etc), home, thankfully hasn't changed much and I'm looking forward to eventually returning for good. But not for a while. I now leave, dragging two virgin travellers with me, into the Thai sunshine and a whole new level of debauchery as B$G Thailand finally begins after 5 solid years of planning.